“You’re going to die and they’re going to put you in a box and throw dirt on your face and go eat potato salad.”

-Jared Wilson

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Knowing You Don’t Know Who You Are

I have been confused most of my life about the notion of “being who you are”.

I’ve been told to be so many things and ended up being nothing entirely. When you tell someone you aren’t the person you believe you can be, they tell you to start being true or real to yourself. “Man, you gotta be who YOU are, nobody can live your life for you.” Inside, I was screaming “I DON’T KNOW WHAT IT IS TO BE ME!!” Who knows what it is to be real? Just about everyone has a different interpretation of what it means. From books to lectures to pulpits, people attempt to give what few know how to do, and that is to be totally honest and upfront with who you THINK you are and who you actually are. When the noise disappears and the only thing left standing is your feelings and opinions of yourself, those are some of the most frustrating times in life.

“Living a lie” isn’t just for those realization moments in movies, it’s for those moments when you pull in the driveway and sit there before going in your home, wondering what in the world am I doing? How did my life come to be as it is? Am I living or am I just breathing through second after second?

You see, not knowing who we are and what God created us for is sort of a fatality. It’s kind of being already dead.  We’ve spent the most part of our lives living in the shadows of other people. TV personalities, the most attractive people around us, technology, fashion, homes, cars, and other things have this strange obsessive attachment that’s rooted in our hearts, desires, and motives. Everyday is filled with,

What would she wear? What would he drive? What would he or she do? Will these items give me the attention I seek? Does this girl give me the feelings I see in movies? What job does a person like me have? Does this crowd relate to my coolness or socio-economic status? Does this fit my sense of style? Do I hold the same beliefs as ________? What if this. What if that.

The list goes on and on. Honestly, it’s quiet tiring. Just think back to the last time you had to make a decision and you considered the opinions of others (who don’t matter)? It’s crazy but true. Just maybe you’re one of those who front the idea of “being yourself” but actually care more often about the opinions of others than you think.

This post is about sitting back and at least self-assessing if it’s possible you don’t know who you are. The objective here isn’t to give solutions or advice just yet, it’s to bring awareness and look within ourselves.

Take a seat and ask yourself these questions below:

Do I have an unhealthy attachment to the opinions of others?

Do I let people dictate my decision-making?

Have I let “things”, possessions, worldly ideas, failures etc. define who I am?

Is there vicariousness in me?

Do I envy something or someone?

Is Jesus at the center of my identity or am I the center of my identity?

Take these questions further, our lives depend upon them.